Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Mom said you looked used
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
