i think i have two assholes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
