the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
home. puking in laundry basket.
She's the barista slut.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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