I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
