Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
