If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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