When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
