TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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