my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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