Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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