We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
