So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
