Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
