dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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