I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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