Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
