"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
