yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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