My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
