I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
