ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
