Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
