...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
