gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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