Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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