Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
