i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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