i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
