New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
