my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
