3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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