i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
