He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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