we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's never too late to be topless.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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