You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
