no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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