insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
