Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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