just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
