Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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