apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
