Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
