your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she told me i tasted like america
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
