did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
