just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
