apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she peed on how many people?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
