i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
