you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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