just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
