So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My pussy is not your playground.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
