I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
