I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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