WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
