the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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