The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
