Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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