a search helicopter?!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
