I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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