Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
